The Practice of Patience

One of the things I appreciate so much about nature is the abundance of life lessons that are revealed if one has eyes to see. Take the blue heron. A stunning example of patience. She waits, still, focused, steady, for the perfect timing, for the perfect moment in which to move into action. And for her, the inability to wait might threaten her survival.

When was the last time that you counted to ten before you said something that later you would be sorry about?

Imagine that you were put on hold for over forty five minutes and when the call was finally answered, would you have the capacity to respond with a kind comment to the person on the other end? 

How often do you find yourself gritting your teeth in irritation when something doesn't go your way?

These are common occurrences in our day to day life. Now, add the stress that is surrounding us in the world as we know it today. Often, our practice of patience can seem a million miles away.

But over 1200 years ago, a wise Indian sage named Shantideva, wrote a manual for living a wholesome, sane and altruistic life. The title was “The Way of the Bodhisattva” and it outlined ways of thinking, speaking and acting that would lead the reader (or listener, during his time) out of suffering and into a life of service. In fact, patience was such a huge part of this path that he devoted a whole chapter to it.

Now, I know, as I said before, there are moments when patience seems inaccessible. But as with anything, if we practice cultivating the habit in small ways, it will become easier over time, to reach out and find it at our disposal when we need it for the big stuff. And I would say, from where I stand, the big stuff is here. So no better time to practice than right now!

In Pema Chodron's book, Becoming Bodhisattvas,  she explains and offers commentary on the teachings of Shantideva. She talks about the three types of patience that he identifies. “The first category comes from reframing our attitude towards discomfort. The second category is the patience that comes from understanding the complexity of any situation. The third category is the patience that comes from developing tolerance.”

Obviously, right now, we are ALL dealing with discomfort. Like I said, the big stuff is here. COVID, shelter in place, wearing masks, police brutality, recognizing and admitting to white privilege, divisiveness. The list goes on.

Which brings us to the second point, understanding the COMPLEXITY of any situation. We are living in a very complex world which is so not clearly one way or the other. We are living in the midst of a tapestry that has been woven out of so many different threads. 

Which then brings us to the third category of patience, that of developing tolerance. And this is in no way a condoning or tolerating of abuse, hatred, prejudice or bigotry. Nor does it indicate a type of inaction that patiently stands by as injustices occur.

My read on the tolerance that Shantideva is referring to is what we need so desperately today. Tolerance of varying points of view, tolerance of the needs of others, tolerance for situations that call for us to be less defended in our hearts. That can feel uncomfortable sometimes. But when we develop this muscle, we can respond with wisdom and the appropriate action in any given situation.

All this to say, in Pema’s words, “When the mind is less reactive, the causes of happiness increase”.

May we all learn to be patient with ourselves, with each other and with the challenges that we are facing in our world today.